knowing i can
10 September 2001 - 1:54 p.m.

Saturday night, I went home feeling so tired and washed out. So tired that I felt like throwing up. I had a major headache so I showered and went straight to bed.

Yesterday, Sunday, it was the same story.

I am sick again. I hate the rolling feeling in my stomach, the throbbing pain in my head. When someone says your name it's supposed to be the sweetest sound you'll ever hear. Today I don't want to hear a thing. Today I don't want anybody to talk to me.

I can't get any food to stay in me. Just last night I threw up a couple of times.

The timing is impeccable. Just when I'm trying to psyche myself up for another job application/ interview my world comes crashing down.

Maybe I've been pushing myself a little too hard these days. Trying to outdo myself again. But right now I have to. Everything seems to be falling into place. I'm planning to take my graduate studies by next semester. I know I can get this job I'm applying for if I stay focused. I'm trying to run a small business on top of this. I have to push myself to work really hard.

I have to believe I can do it.

I have to know I can do it.

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