my first step
11 September 2001 - 10:05 a.m.

My life is a constant turmoil that I have yet to learn to deal with. My ups and downs are so sporadic. I spin wildly every time they hit me. At this moment I am not physically capable of dealing with them, at least not with my constant bouts of illness. But as I've said before I have to believe that I can do it. I have to know I can.

It seems so long ago when I told myself "this is my dream, this is what I want". Much longer still is the time from when I last followed through with this dream, when I last gave my best and did my all to get what I wanted. I am no quitter. I just never took the first step.

But things have changed once again. I try not to wonder incessantly about what brought on this change. I try not to ask too many questions. Instead I try to move. I try to take action.

I have taken my first step toward a new dream. I pray that I have the strength to follow through with it.

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