i see
27 September 2001 - 4:49 p.m.

My Dad wrote to me today. As it turns out my mom told him about my new job. He always seems so sincere. He writes as if he cares about what’s happening. Does he really? It’s like every time I get to talk to him on the phone. He keeps saying “I see.” I see.

I shut up every time he says that but all I ever wanted to do was to say “do you, really?” I want to ask “what do you see?” and add “you don’t know anything at all, you don’t know what’s happening.”

But then I don’t do any of this.

He says: I see.

I never say anything.

Because maybe somehow, for some insane illogical reason, he does.

.
Daddy says "I love you girl, it's not your fault your mom and me don't get along"
I know he's lying, I know there's no such thing as inexplicable
I hear, forget, this world in bed and suddenly the sun comes up
.
.
My favorite song, my favorite show I wonder if they even know
Or if they care or if they even notice I am standing there
.
.
I lock the door and lock my head and dream of butterflies instead
.
(Butterflies Instead, K's Choice)

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